08.03.08
“The Pope warned me never to trust the CIA”
I don’t care what people say - I think Hudson Hawk is awesome
07.30.08
My uncanny ability to kill conversation…
Recently i’ve stopped some conversations in their tracks with off the cuff remarks to my coworkers. I’ve tried to restart the discussion after but they’ve somehow been so shocked/surprised they have been incapable of resuming a dialogue.
The first was a few weeks ago and we were discussing what text to put in settings screen in our software.
Shane : “What about ‘Word Source file’?”
Jim : “or what about ‘Table of Contents Template’?”
Me : “what about ‘Mein Kampf’?”
… total silence. They wouldn’t even resume the discussion about the interface. Seriously, Joke people!
And then last night I was talking to Jim about getting a suit tailor made for my wedding, and that the Tailor makes house calls to take measurements and let you choose fabrics, etc.
Jim : “So the tailor will measure you up at home eh?”
Me : *Putting on best pomp brittish accent I can muster* “Seven inches Mr Doessel, very good sir”
… again silence!!!! wtf?
Apparently Jim wasn’t going for a gag about “measuring up” a man - he was just channeling Captain Obvious… I totally read that one wrong.
What made this worse was Shane, who had kept his head down all day and had paid no attention to anything in the office that day, chose that exact moment to listen in and had a “who are you?” look on his face.
Seriously, are these comments so wrong to kill a conversation and warrant this reaction?
To me they’re nice little throwaway comments that may be a little risque, but that adds to the fun.
Maybe such things only work in sitcoms?
05.01.08
We’ll always have Paris
Why hello, or bojour (the literal translation) as they say here in France. Trish and I have been living it up this week in Paris, as we’ve joined her parents for a leg of their European tour. We’ve done the tourist points that interest us(Montmartre), and some that don’t (the Louvre comes to mind), and have had the most fun just wandering the streets in search of good food.
It has to be said - the architecture here is amazing. In Australia i never understood the desire to look at old buildings, but having now wandered the streets of Paris and seen nothing but meticulously detailed features on buildings - some of which are 2000 years old - i now see the beauty. It shits all over the uninspiring Heritage buildings we have in Australia.
It’s been interesting trying to learn the language on the ground with no preparation. When we first arrived Trish told me to ask “do you speak English?” with something that sounds like “parlay vous Ongllai”. Having rehearsed this a few times I promptly asked a waitress “do you parlay Onglish?”, much to the confused amusement of the onlookers, who seem to have nothing better to do than watch traffic and unprepared tourists.
Next stop : Venice
Au revoir!
04.23.08
Happy Alan Rickman day
For those who don’t know, today was Alan Rickman day.
If you are unaware of this most spiritual of days, you simply need to watch this video for details and all will be clear.
Don’t worry if you missed out on the celebrations - every day is Alan Rickman day.
04.09.08
How they came up with the logo for the Beijing games
And with this post Microspiff.com makes a proud entry to Chinese Censorship list
03.25.08
‘Aquaphobia’ - one mans futile quest for a paper bag
After being inspired by The Naughty Girls Guide to Life, Trish decided to get one of her girlfriends some designer shopping bags for her upcoming birthday.
No no, I do not mean an actual Prada or Gucci bag - I mean the paper shopping bags they put the designer bag into when you purchase it - this is because the book is all about fooling people into thinking you’re living the high life, and the next best thing to buying designer stuff is looking like you buy designer stuff. This was going to be something her friend would go for, so Trish set me the challenge : get some designer shopping bags for free.
The suggestion the book makes is to pretend to be a photographer on a shoot, needing a bag that will obviously lead to free advertising for the store in question. Since I’m not the best performer on the fly, unless it’s my pay review (I don’t blog on this because it’s “gloating” I’m told), I decided to go with a role I’m far more familiar and comfortable with : the student filmmaker.
I don’t really have a “filmmaker look” - if i had hair I’d style it to look like Tim Burtons‘; but my head looks like Patrick Stewarts‘ these days, so there’s not much styling one can do with a scalp. Unfortunately I didn’t have a plaid flannel shirt, so i couldn’t walk around Sydney’s Martin Place looking like George Lucas. Instead i went with faded jeans and a nice shirt - more of the James Cameron look.
Of course I had to be prepared with details on the film i was making - here’s the pitch :
Aquaphobia is a short film about a young woman who has an acute fear of water, and attempts to overcome this fear with retail therapy (hence the need for shopping bag props). It’s a social commentary of modern day life, by juxtaposing the fears of a generation with the consumerism of todays society. It’s Arachnophobia meets Sex and the City; Waterworld meets Ugly Betty.
Blockbuster material!
After workshopping this story with Trish to the point where it sounds plausible enough to be a wanky student film, yet absurd enough to make for a good story, I was ready to go.
Armed with my cover story and a list of targets supplied by Trish - all fortunately located within a square kilometer of my work - I set out to Giorgio Armani, Dolce and Gabbana, Prada, Gucci, Louis Vuitton, Escada, and a few other places with funny names….
… and I was shot down every time. After the usual social pleasantries and an explanation of what I was doing, once I raised the issue of a shopping bag for my short film about a- I was referred to the companies’ PR department. I never even got the chance to pitch the film!
One place even said the shopping bags cost $15 to produce, so they aren’t given away. “Can I just buy one then?” - pause - “no, we don’t do that” - “Erm, but….” - “Call head office and ask for Victoria”. Shut down!
The furthest I got was the Giorgio Armani manager called me later in the day, and was actually very eager to help - she kindly offered to email the center office in Milan to secure me permission to use their bag. Milan! I never thought it would be that complicated. She was apologetic at how strict the policies were on their Brand.
I thanked her for her willingness, and then told her I’d already secured some bags from Prada and Chanel which would fill the requirements of the script; partially to get off the hook, and partially to make it seem like other places were more cooperative and they’d missed out. She then offered that if I ever needed anything from them for future projects she would be glad to help. Ahhh connections, what the film industry is all about!
Trish herself took on the mission, and was able to procure an Oroton bag quite easily (although Oroton is apparently “small fish” according to Trish). Trish’s tactic was to say she was an art student who needed a carry bag for her sculpture. Upon later reflection, her theory was that my own tactic failed because a film would have created more uncontrolled brand exposure than some art student’s sculpture project.
So even though I didn’t get very far it was a fun experiment. If I were to do it again I think I’d have to change the cover story, or at least don a wig - Patrick Stewart has been creepy ever since his stint on Extras.
10.24.07
The Tea Cheesemaker
Work’s pretty dull these days, and i’ve been pretty uninspired to do anything about it…. Until yesterday that is.
After I made my usual Irish Breakfast tea for the afternoon I decided that instead of using sugar as a sweetener, i’d try the leftover juice from my pineapple tubs. It made sense to me : sugar is sweet; pineapple juice is sweet : what could go wrong?
Well, it turns out that Dairy and Citrus (generally acidic substances) tend to get together and have a little party. After I had taken my first disgusting taste of this horrible concoction I put it aside, and an hour later I checked again and the milky tea was no longer milky - it was clear, with the milk coagulating at the cups base.
It turns out this was the first step in the process of creating Cheese! The next step Wikipedia informs me is to introduce enzymes to my cup, and then introduce Moulds (which shouldn’t be a problem) to create a Tasty Tea Cheese.